26/03/15
Mirroring: When you have fun, we have fun!
Are you smiling?
Recently, I spoke for a group of municipal managers. After my presentation, one man commented that I looked like I was enjoying myself during my presentation. He then said, “When you’re having fun, we have fun.” This phenomenon is called mirroring. It’s a key component in empathy.
According to brain science, we have mirroring neurons that pick up on the emotions of others. For instance, when someone else’s child falls down and scrapes his knee, you wince. If someone gives you a big, genuine smile, it’s hard to suppress your own smile. If you are feeling on top of the world and encounter someone in distress, your mood changes as you empathize with that person.
You don’t take on that person’s emotions and situation permanently, but if you’re human and don’t suffer a personality disorder or severe mental illness, you feel for him or her. Just today, I read about a family in New York that lost 5 children in a fire. How unthinkable. How horrible. How will the parents go on? The father’s photo displayed such anguish that I felt a jab in my gut. I can’t imagine the pain they are in, but I feel sadness for them.
There are many important facets to mirroring and empathy. One that my audience member pointed out with his comment about how my having fun contributed to the audience having fun is that our mood, demeanor, facial expression, posture, voice, smile, and words have a physiological and mental effect on those around us. Many people must deal with negative individuals. Perhaps the downer is someone they work with. Perhaps their job is to deal with complaints. No one calls to complain by saying in an upbeat tone, “Hi. Hope you’re having a wonderful day. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. I’m lucky to be alive. I practiced my mediation while I was on hold. I hate to bother you, but my cable is out.”
Wrap Yourself In Mental Bubble Wrap
If you’re on the receiving end of the Debby Downer syndrome, find ways to protect yourself. Realize the influence downers can have over you physically and mentally. Take a break to hang around Harry Happies and Patty Positives. Take a walk. Look at a picture of a scenic place or of someone you love. Smile. Wrap yourself in mental bubble wrap.
The point I really want to emphasize is that you play a huge role inhow others feel. Your mood and emotions, positive or negative, spill onto others and change their physiology. You have the power to make others feel good. And, that is powerful. People would rather be around someone who makes them feel good. Why test people to see if they can endure being around you?
We all have down times, trauma and drama. The world is filled with pain, inequity, war and horrors we can’t fathom. There is anunexplainable crisis happening as you read this. In my opinion, wehave an obligation to give people the opportunity to mirror our positivity. I’m so grateful to the municipal manager who reminded me that when I’m having fun, they’re having fun.
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