31/08/15

Grammar Goofs Drive Me Mad

There is no “I’s!”

Three Grammar Goofs Which Drive Me Crazy

A customer in a recent television commercial for duct cleaning says, “Me and my daughter have allergies, so I had to get the ducts cleaned.”  An otherwise intelligent man invited me to come over to “Jane and I’s house.” A professional with several degrees asked me to send a proposal to his partner and him. He requested, “Give he and I a proposal.” If you don’t see a problem with these sentences, pardon me while I rattle the walls with a primal scream.

Call me old fashioned, but grammar used to be important. Sacred even. My parents, both without college degrees, wouldn’t let us finish a sentence if we made a grammatical error.  This slowed down dinner table conversation (remember dinner table conversation?), but we did learn the difference between lie and lay.

We get used to hearing incorrect grammar, and pretty soon we can’t remember what is correct. Here are a few grammar errors which drive me crazier than my neighbor’s son, who practices his drums 24/7.

1. Fewer vs. Less: Fewer refers to numbers, i.e., things that can be counted. Less refers to volume, i.e., things that can be measured, but not counted. “She has lost fewer pounds than I have,” and “She weighs less than I do,” are both correct.  The grocery checkout sign may say “10 Items or Less,” but it should say, “10 Items or Fewer.” That error doesn’t stop me from racing into the express lane with a bunch of bananas and nine yogurts.

2. Further vs. Farther: Further usually refers to non-physical depth or extent: “We delved further into the topic.” Farther usually refers to distance: “I walked farther today than yesterday.”

3. Me, Myself and I: “I am pleased to invite you to join Bob and myself….” is incorrect. “Me” should be used instead of “myself.” Remember parts of speech? “Me” is not slang; it is the object of the verb “join.” If you are uncertain, delete the other person from the sentence. “…join myself for lunch…” sounds weird. Actually, I take that back, since I hear statements like “…I invite you to join myself” frequently. (Sigh.)
“I hurt myself” is correct. Go figure.

“Give the food to Bill and I,” is incorrect. Would you say, “Give the food to I,”? No. You would say, “Give the food to me.” Therefore, “Give the food to Bill and me,” is correct. I promise. Sadly, nothing surprises me anymore, since I heard, “The food was Bill’s and I’s.” There is so no such word as “I’s”! Stop saying that right now!! (Sorry. Me gets carried away.)

Also, you come last in a list of two or more people. It’s “Bill and me,” not “Me and Bill.” “The Oscars winners were Joe, Jane, John, Jasper, Jack, Jill and me.”

That’s enough grammar for today. I get so worked up about grammar. I think I’ll cool down by parsing a few sentences.

(What grammar goofs drive you bonkers?)
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