06/10/14
From Statue of Liberty to Couch Potato
Help! I can’t set this down!
My name is Karen and I’m an HGTVaholic. It’s not my fault. After resisting heroically for decades, I succumbed to getting satellite television. For decades, I’d been satisfied with channels 2,4,6,7,9,12, 20 and 31.
I’d resisted getting cable or satellite television not because I’m an intellectual that brags about not having a television or watching only public broadcasting. I’d abstained because I knew I’d become a channel-flipping addict. I’d tested my character in every hotel I’d stay in on my travels. I’ve almost missed appointments and speaking gigs because Animal Planet had cute puppies, HGTV had handsome hosts and decorating projects I’d never attempt or E had the brain-leaching Kardashians.
So, why did I succumb to satellite? Why did I permit a dish to be installed on my roof? Because I was tired of posing like the Statue of Liberty holding, instead of a torch, my antenna. When the world went nuts and HD television became mandatory, I had to buy antennas and special magic boxes just so I could watch my local channels.
Reception was unpredictable at best. Just when I had those rabbit ears positioned just right, a dog or two would jump on the couch and that was the end of the reception. Reception would be interrupted if I moved an inch to right or left. I could be only one minute into 60 Minutes when “NO SIGNAL” flashed on the screen. I’d pray that tomorrow the Today show would be visible long enough to see Al Roker say, “Here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods.”
I’d twist and turn with the antenna up high, down low, in, out, overhead and under the bed. Prime Time Yoga, so to speak.
Life is short and instead of making the best decision – forget about television all together, I bit the bullet and ordered satellite TV. I kidded myself that I broke down just so I could get better reception. I thought I could handle the temptation.
I’ve gone over to the dark side! In my home, the dark side is illuminated by the glow of the television. It’s been a month now. I figured I’d get tired of watching housing renovations, international home searches and those handsome identical twin realtor and rehab brothers who reveal creative decor and perfect teeth. But, lo, alas and for shame, I’m more hooked than ever.
Yes. I no longer have to pose as a rotating, bendy Statue of Liberty with antenna held high. Now I’m a prisoner of satellite television. I can relate to Emma Lazarus’ famous poem on the base of the Statue of Liberty. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” That’s me. I’m tired from staying up late watching puppies romp, houses renew and Kardashians whine. I’ll soon be poor because I’m wasting time instead of working. And, I’m yearning to breathe free in the Colorado sunshine.
Your intervention is appreciated.
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