29/09/15

Effective Listening In An A.D.D. World

 “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Interrupting cow.” “Interrupting…” “MOO.” [Silence]

 There’s no better way to discourage communication than to interrupt your conversation partner unless it’s to:

• Judge what’s being said or the person saying it.

• Control or threaten with your words, facial expression or body language.

• Lecture. Even if you’re an expert, restrain yourself from making the speaker wrong or less than.

• Criticize. Put downs and attacks will shut your partner down in a flash. Instead, encourage your partner to go on with your body, “Hmmmm,” “Ohhhhh” and probing questions. Try, “Tell me more.” “Give me an example.” “What happened next?”

• Psychoanalyze. Don’t offer unsolicited advice or diagnosis.

We’re all suffering from a touch of  A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder). We’re encouraged to multi-task, act quickly and respond in a nanosecond. Effective listening takes concentration, patience and dedication to understanding your conversation partner. You must slow down to be an effective listener. If you do, you’ll learn more about your partner’s needs. You’ll build relationships, morale and business. Most people crave being heard out. Being heard is so rare that, if you can give your partner 100% of your attention, you’ll stand out and be revered.

Effective Listening Do’s:

• Build an atmosphere of trust. This happens over time. Show your sincere interest.

• Make an observable, physical effort. Lean forward. Make eye contact. Get on the same side of the desk as the speaker. Remove distractions. Hold calls. Recently, I met with someone who put her cell phone in her desk drawer. By making this effort in front of me, she demonstrated her desire to listen to what I had to say.

• Have enough time and energy to listen. If not, reschedule.

• Restate, clarify, and sum up what you’ve heard.

• Increase your listening capacity. In this MTV world, we’ve lost our capacity to listen to boring or complex material. Listen to laborious speakers and look for the nuggets of wisdom in every presentation.

• Practice. Go to meetings and just listen. Don’t judge content or style. Ask your child to tell you a story. Then sink into the story. Don’t hurry the speaker. Don’t correct. Just listen.

• Get feedback. Ask those around you to rate you as a listener. Ask for suggestions. Tell people you’re practicing your listening skills. They’ll applaud your efforts.

Your attention is one of the greatest gifts you can give a person. You’ll learn more and expand your world when you shut up. Realize you don’t have to have a quip, fact or ready repartee. What a relief. If you want to be heard, you have to listen.

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